Dear Rachel,
I’ve been pondering your story in the Bible. You’re at a time in your life where you feel
absolutely certain that God has forgotten you.
You feel less blessed than all those around you, and you probably feel
like God loves them more. I wish you
could feel God’s immense love for you.
But I know what it’s like to forget that love.
I certainly felt less blessed several weeks ago as I wept over the cost
of what it would take for me to have a safe pregnancy and postpartum
experience. Besides the cost of medical
bills and fertility treatments, I felt overwhelmed at all of the things required
to quite literally preserve my sanity—weekly psychiatric and therapy visits,
more expensive pregnancy-safe medication, and a nanny. What? None of that was ever in my plan for my
life.
I felt forgotten—but the truth is I had simply forgotten His love.
Several days later, it struck me softly and suddenly. God loves me. I had been trying to heal my broken heart with
the testimony that God is perfect, so His plan for me must be, too. But in a gentle and powerful moment, I came to
understand that more than the perfect plan for me, He’s prepared the most loving plan for me. He loves me no matter how small my family
is. He loves me no matter how blessed I
am. And then as I began to look for my
blessings, I realized how many there truly are.
But here’s the thing—God doesn’t give people more blessings because He
loves them more, or fewer blessings because He loves them less. It’s easy to get caught up on the idea that
perhaps He gives more to those He loves more, but it simply isn’t true because
he doesn’t love some of us more. Like an apostle of Jesus Christ has said, “No
one of us is less treasured or cherished of God than another.” It simply does not matter if others have more
or fewer blessings than you. His love
for you is the same. But that doesn’t
diminish His love. As another apostle
has said, “Think of the purest, most all-consuming love you can imagine. Now
multiply that love by an infinite amount—that is the measure of God’s love for you.”
Believe it.
God loves you—not because He is obligated to, but because you are
you. He is your father and His first
priority is loving you. He always has
and always will—no matter what. I’m sure
His heart ached with love when you cried out in anguish to your beloved Jacob,
“give me children or else I die.”
There are those today who share your pain, pleading with God for a child,
that new job, the ideal marriage, or perfect health. And like the beautiful words that will come later
in your story, And God remembered Rachel,
God remembers them. He remembered
you in the sense that you were never forgotten.
I believe God always remembered you—that he retained you in His memory and
remained aware of you—granting you tender mercies all along the way. You were always on His mind, and He was
always blessing you—even if at that moment, you didn’t recognize those
blessings. He was constantly shaping and
preparing you to become the woman He knows you can become, and the woman He needs
to accomplish great things. Look for His
love—and find its abundance.
God always remembers you, my dear friend. Always remember His love.
Love,
Caitlin
