The Shepherds' Gift

At the time of Christ’s birth, there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. I imagine them as passionate, practiced, and prepared protectors able to skillfully stave off any threat to their flock.  But when the angel of the Lord came upon them and the glory of the Lord shone round about them…the were sore afraid.  Sore afraid.  Not simply startled.  Not just frightened.  They were painfully afraid.  They experienced a fear so strong that they ached.

Then the angel delivered a beautiful message. “Fear not: for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.  For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.”  The angel’s words calmed them.  In moments, the shepherds’ panic was transformed to peace, and because of one sentence, their fear became faith as they discovered the Gift.

“And this shall be a sign unto you,” the angel continued, “Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.”  Just picture the shepherds’ excitement when they realized that not only was the savior finally born, but that they would be some of His first witnesses!  With eagerness they embraced the Gift, leaving their treasured sheep and came with haste, and found Mary, and Joseph, and the baby lying in a manger.

It’s there that the story usually ends.  But in the next verse we learn of the shepherds’ gift to that precious babe:

And when they had seen it, they made known abroad the saying which was told them concerning this child.*

The shepherds’ gift to the newborn Savior was sharing the message that had brought them such peace in the midst of their anguish.

That same message also brings me peace when I need it most.  It’s the message that makes my hopes and dreams of eternal life with a perfected body and mind possible.  It’s the message that tells me I can receive forgiveness, and it’s the message that tells me that I will be with those whom I love most forever. I truly believe that Jesus Christ is our Savior given to all people by our magnificent God who so loved the world. 

*Luke 2:17

Grateful for Ungiven Gifts

With bright eyes my two-year-old daughter emerged from the basement, her arms full of play kitchen accessories.  She dropped them on the floor, picked out a little rolling pin, and waved it in the air with delight.

“Look Mommy!  Pink roller!  My pink roller!” 

She had found part of her Christmas present.  Oh no.  How could I take something away from her that brought her such joy?  My eyes brimmed with tears as I took the rolling pin, scooped up the plastic pots, pans, and spatulas, and ran downstairs, stashing them in a better hiding spot while she stood completely confused in the kitchen.  When I came back up, I gave her a hug, told her that she couldn’t have those toys yet, and tried to console her with an old toy. 

Oh I felt like such a mean mom. 

But little did she know that I’ve been eagerly scouring the internet for weeks to find the perfect play kitchen, finally found it, have it hidden away, and I can’t wait to give it to her.  I have so much more in store for her than a little pink rolling pin!  My heart broke as I realized that she doesn’t know that.

She is unaware of all the ungiven gifts that await her…

As we are unaware of all the ungiven gifts that await us.

Last week I felt a little like my toddler standing so confused in the kitchen.  A couple of months ago, I accepted an opportunity to go back part-time as a writer for the public relations firm I’d worked at before Abbey was born.  I would have to wait a couple of months for some work issues to be settled, but I was thrilled with the chance to use my skills and have more adult interaction. It seemed like just what I needed.  Well, suddenly in the midst of settling those issues, the company closed.  I felt like someone had stolen my little pink rolling pin!

But now I realize that there are ungiven gifts that await me.  There’s something better in store.

I’ve been thinking about that little play kitchen and wondering if I did the right thing.  What if, instead of taking away the accessories, I had led her to the main Christmas gift right then and there? The timing wouldn't have been right. 

My then future husband was 29 when we happened to sit next to each other at a church fireside. I said hello and asked for his name and he asked for my number.  Over the next year, we fell in love and were married.  In our LDS culture, most people marry in their early twenties, not their early thirties, and I'm sure my husband had wondered what was wrong with him.  Nothing was wrong with him---it was me.  I hadn't grown up yet.  On that spring evening we sat next to each other, I was only 19.  Now, almost eight years later, it's clear to see that the Lord arranged to give us the gift of each other as potential spouses as soon as He possibly could--as soon as I was ready.

Later, we struggled for three years to have a baby. Finally after some fertility treatments and thirty-six negative pregnancy tests, we conceived.  Again, the Lord arranged to give us a beautiful gift just as soon as He possibly could. Those three years were so hard for me, but now I realize that we needed that time of being a family of two to strengthen our relationship and prepare for what would follow the birth of our little sweetheart--my postpartum depression and the onset of my bipolar disorder. 

As bright as my daughter’s eyes were at the thought of having her very own rolling pin, I can’t wait to show her that there’s so much more, and that with disappointment and loss comes hope.  I truly believe the Lord has countless ungiven gifts awaiting each of us and He enthusiastically waits for just the right moment to grant them in a way so that our eyes will light up just like a child’s on Christmas morning.

Your Best is Enough

When I was in 5^th grade, I competed in the state spelling bee.  You miss a word there and you remember how to spell it forever—like the word tendril—which of course, now seems like the easiest word in the world to spell. However, I felt like I’d done my best, and I enjoyed an amazing experience wearing the prettiest dress I’d ever owned.  

I’ve always struggled with perfectionism, but fortunately as I’ve gotten older I’ve realized that it can often prevent progress, and that as my editor aunt used to say, “done is better than perfect.” But since life with bipolar, I have really struggled to recognize when I’ve done my best, and when I could maybe do a little bit more. 

It’s probably because “doing my best” is so vastly different depending on the day.  Some days, doing my best means great gospel study, entertaining a two-year-old, cleaning the entire house, working out for an hour, making someone’s day, doing yard work, and throwing together a gourmet dinner.

But some days, doing my best means getting out of bed. 

And on those days I try to remember this gem of wisdom from Elder Russell M. Nelson: “Men are that they might have joy—not guilt trips!”

A quote by Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin also eases my mind: “To do what I can is all my Heavenly Father now requires of me.  And it is all He requires of you…The only thing you need to worry about is striving to be the best you can be.  And how do you do that? You keep your eye on the goals that matter most in life, and you move towards them step by step…We don’t have to be fast, we simply have to be steady.”

I was lucky enough to compete in the state spelling bee again in 6^th grade, but this time the jitters got the best of me and I missed the word colossal.  Not so happy memories. Why?  Because I’d wanted to do THE best, not my best—and in focusing on that, I forgot all about the amazing experience it was to simply be there.

So it is with life.

We all want to do THE best—but by focusing on that and everyone else around us, we often miss the amazing experiences that are ours.

Elder Wirthlin also spoke of John Wooden, who was “perhaps the greatest college basketball coach in the history of the game.  He had four full undefeated seasons.  His teams won 10 national championships.  At one point, he had a streak of 88 consecutive wins.

One of the first things Coach Wooden drilled into his players was something his father had taught him when he was a boy growing up on a farm. ‘Don’t worry much about trying to be better than someone else,’ his father said. ‘Learn from others, yes. But don’t just try to be better than they are.  You have no control over that. Instead try…to be the best that you can be.  That you have control over.’”

And here’s the thing, the best has already been done by our Savior.  He set the perfect example of doing your best and that included the help of Heavenly Father, increasing gradually in wisdom, rest and meditation, and the help of friends. 

As long as I’m trying to follow His example, somehow he fills in the entire gap where I fall short—no matter how big that gap is. That’s why on the good and not-so-good days—and all the ones in between—my best is enough. 

Like a Broken Crayon

“Broken! Broken!” my two year-old said with worried eyes as she held up a little stub of orange crayon.

“But it’s okay,” I tried to explain.

I thought about my psychiatrist appointment a few days earlier, where the doctor had with a broad smile, proclaimed me “stable.”  That word meant my next appointment would be in three months instead of the three to six week schedule I’d been on for more than a year. And thankfully it meant no drastic medication changes.  I had breathed a sigh of relief, returning her smile as my eyes brimmed with grateful tears—but that word didn’t take away the fact that I still felt broken.

But it’s okay. Those words echoed in my mind.

I suddenly realized that I, and everyone else who feels a little broken, is like that bright little piece of crayon.  Changed, yes, but still able to fulfill its purpose through The Artist.

There’s a story that I heard several years ago that illustrates this point. 

A water bearer in India had two large pots which he carried at each end of a pole across the back of his neck.  One pot was perfect, but the other had such a crack in it that by the time the man arrived at his master’s house, it had leaked out half of the water it was supposed to hold.  After a time the cracked pot spoke to the man at the stream and said, “I’m ashamed of myself and want to apologize to you.”

“Why?” asked the water bearer.

“I’m only able to deliver half of the water that I’m supposed to because I leak.  I’m broken.”

The man filled the cracked pot with water and said, “But it’s okay. As we return to the master’s house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path.”

As they went up the hill, the cracked pot cheered up as it looked upon all the beautiful wildflowers on the side of the path.  But at the end of the road, the pot realized it was half empty and again apologized.  The man said to the pot, “Did you notice that flowers were only on your side of the path?  That’s because I knew about your flaw.  I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back from the stream, you water them for me.  I pick those flowers to decorate my master’s table.  If you were not just the way you are, he would not have such beauty to grace his house.”

That my friends, is why being broken is okay.  It’s because there is Someone who knows our potential—even with our flaws—and wants us to succeed.  No matter how broken we may be, we are complete when we partner with our Savior, Jesus Christ.

And as I swirled that broken orange crayon along the paper, showing my daughter that it was okay, I smiled as she broke into laughter.

Broken

by Kenneth Cope

Broken clouds give rain
Broken soil grows grain
Broken bread feeds man for one more day
Broken storms yield light
The break of day heals night
Broken pride turns blindness into sight

Broken souls that need His mending
Broken hearts for offering
Could it be that God loves broken things?

Broken chains set free
Broken swords bring peace
Broken walls make friends of you and me
To break the ranks of sin
To break the news of Him
To put on Christ till His name feels broken in

Broken souls that need His mending
Broken hearts for offering
I believe that God loves broken things

And yet our broken faith, our broken promises
Sent love to the cross
And still, that broken flesh, that broken heart of His
Offers us such grace and mercy
Covers us with love undeserving

This broken soul that cries for mending
This broken heart for offering
I'm convinced that God loves broken me

Praise His name, my God loves broken things.

Windex for the Soul

You looked in the mirror this morning. Let’s just say you didn’t see exactly what you wanted to see. 

And let’s be honest—you started thinking about everything you aren’t and everything that everyone else seems to be.  You wanted to have a peek into your friends’ mirrors—the ones who are going on fantastic vacations, the ones who are having babies, the ones who are the superheroes of the neighborhood, the ones who take care of perfect yards, the ones who run marathons, the ones who are blogger extraordinaires, the ones who are so talented there’s nothing they can’t do, and the ones who do all that and more and still manage to be the mom every kid wishes for. 

And there you are seeing just about the opposite of everything you want to see in your own mirror…

~

One of my favorite movies, My Big Fat Greek Wedding has a running joke about Windex--the plain blue glass cleaner-- fixing “any ailment from psoriasis to poison ivy.”

“Put some Windex on it,” Toula’s father is always saying in his thick Greek accent.

Well my friend, it’s time to put some “Windex” on it—the kind for the soul with five simple ingredients:

1.      Kindness

Do something nice that you don’t have to do.  Pick up some trash, leave some nice comments on Facebook, make a phone call to an old friend, send a text just to say hi, take the neighbors cookies...Wait—don’t get overwhelmed.  Just deliberately do one nice thing per day and see what happens.

2.      Remembrance

Remember who you are—not just now, but remember who you were like 100 years ago. Try –really– hard.  There you go…that’s it.  Can you believe that’s who you are?! And remember, in a moment when you feel like no one loves you, and it’s hard to even love yourself—remember that you are the result of the love of thousands. Think about that next time you look in the mirror.

3.      Enjoyment

Spend time doing something simply because you enjoy it.  Play the piano—not to perfect a song, but to feel it.  Write—not to be published, but simply to bring peace. Read, listen to music, watch TV, color, paint, go shopping, or cook.  Just find something to do every day for even only a few minutes for pure enjoyment.

4.      Recognition

We all love praise and recognition and there never seems to be enough of it.  It’s okay to give it to yourself!  A powerful form of self-affirmation is writing down all of those good little things you do that no one else knows about—just keep a journal.  Or simply write a ta-da list at the end of the day even if it doesn’t include everything you started with on your to-do list.

5.      Nature

Watch a sunset, listen to the birds, look at the sky, feel the grass between your toes, stop and smell the roses, go for a hike, drive through a canyon and stop at an overlook. Take a little time every day to enjoy this beautiful world.

~

And then you realize your mirror is dirty. All those imperfections and shortcomings are actually smudges, splashes…and who knows what. 

So my friend, spiffy up your mirror and smile.

 

How to Become Grateful No Matter What

I heard this thought-provoking quote by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf a few weeks ago in this beautiful talk about the power of gratitude in any circumstances:

“How much of life do we miss by waiting for the rainbow before thanking God for rain?”

 

When I heard that, I immediately realized that I am a "rain, rain go away" singer, and definitely a rainbow waiter.  Saturday it rained all day.  I was disappointed about staying inside and expected my toddler to be too, but she was thrilled about all the things we could do inside.  She reminded me that when some opportunities are lost, different—and sometimes better—opportunities are received.  Throughout the day, she pointed out the window and cheerfully exclaimed, “Rain! Rain! Rain!”  We looked together at everything coated in water and I marveled at how much bolder the usual colors looked.  There was no arching rainbow like I would have loved to show her, but the spring greens were more vibrant, the purples richer, and the yellows even more brilliant.  And I thanked God for the rain, realizing also how much more vibrant my life is with metaphorical rain.

 

I’m coming to learn that gratitude is action before it is attitude.  These actions are helping me to become grateful no matter what:

 

Eliminate Entitlement

Greed is the opposite of gratitude, and it starts with a sense of entitlement.  There’s a story by Aesop about a goose that laid golden eggs—one egg per day.  The farmer eventually got tired of waiting for the eggs and decided there must be dozens of golden eggs inside the goose, and demanding immediate gratification, he killed the goose.  There were no eggs inside her, and no more would ever be laid.  When we feel entitled to a rainbow, we miss the beauty and practicality of the rain. Eliminate entitlement—all it takes is empathy and humility, which as C.S. Lewis said is “not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less.”

 

Give to be Grateful

Author Elizabeth Bibesco wrote, “Blessed are they who can give without remembering and take without forgetting.”  Givers are grateful.  Maybe it’s because service helps them to forget their own problems.  Maybe it’s because doing things for others makes them more aware of what is done for them.  Or maybe it’s because giving connects us, helping us to realize how dependent we are on each other.  Give no matter what—all it takes is making someone smile.

Quit Comparing

“Comparison is the thief of joy,” Theodore Roosevelt said.  I’m coming to learn that when we compare ourselves to others, oftentimes we’re comparing ourselves to someone wearing the same jersey.  We’re all on the same team.  That means that when one person succeeds, it doesn’t diminish our success! 

Sometimes when it’s raining, it’s easy to compare our current situation to past or future sunshine.  Those are and will be good times—but dwelling on those leads us to lose focus on our beautiful purpose in the present.  Quit comparing—all it takes is remembering who you really are.

 

See Surprises

See the beautiful surprises God has given you, and consider His joy when he sees your joy. Remember the rainbows you didn’t have to search for. See surprises—all it takes is counting the blessings you’ve been given without even asking for them.

 

Let God be God

This may be the hardest—it requires being still, trusting your unknown future to an all-knowing Heavenly Father, and remembering that no matter how heavy the downpour, the rain is always temporary.

 

And as the rain falls, do everything you can to let the light into your storm—because seeing rainbows takes rain, light, and the right perspective.

What Easter Means to Me Now

I felt down on Wednesday morning and decided to go for a walk in the sunshine in an attempt to cheer myself up.  I loaded my sweet little toddler into the stroller and she began to wave and say hello to everything she saw—dogs and bugs included.  The blossoming trees were fragrant, the tulips and hyacinths were so bright and colorful, the birds were singing, and suddenly I was sobbing.  All I could think about was stepping in front of a car.  Fortunately, I realized that this was not rational thinking.  I kept walking, frightened that if I stopped something terrible would happen. Tears streamed down my face as I called my husband who was nearly an hour away at work.  He immediately sped home, and in the meantime we each desperately called neighbors to come to my rescue.  In a beautiful tender mercy, my friend Emily who is usually at the gym at that time had for some reason decided to stay home and do yard work that day.  She picked me up, took me to her house, and started chatting—distracting me from my awful thoughts.

Long story short, my husband spent the day by my side.  I called my psychiatrist who immediately got me on some Zyprexa which put me into a deep sleep and took the edge off.  I saw him the next day and we realized that the Wellbutrin I’d been on for the last 2 ½ weeks had made things worse—much worse.  We raised my Zoloft dose and added Abilify and for the last four days I’ve felt a million times better.

Asking for help is hard for me—even in such an urgent situation.  I would much rather be the one to give service than to ask for it.  But then I remember something I recently learned in my scripture study.  When Jesus Christ suffered for our sins in Gethsemane, he set a powerful example for us.  He, the only perfect person to walk the earth, sought help—three times—from his friends under His heavy burden.  He was completely capable of shouldering it alone, but He desired companionship and He asked for it. (Matt. 26:38-43)

Today is the one year anniversary of the day I received the diagnosis that will impact my family and me for the rest of my life. This week we also celebrate the anniversary of events nearly 2,000 years ago that impact my family and me forever…

 

I believe that my Redeemer lives, and Easter has a new significance for me now.  Because of Him, I know that despite how utterly limited I feel some days—one day I will be “breathtakingly perfect in body and mind.” 

And in the meantime…

Because of Him, my life has direction and purpose.  He is my example and I find happiness and peace when I try to be like Him by doing good and by taking time to be holy.

Because of Him, my best is enough.  No matter how much I fall short, He makes up the difference—again and again and again.

Because of Him, I can let go and know that everything is going to eventually be okay.

And because of Him, today I went for another walk on a beautiful spring day—my heart brimming with gratitude and hope.

How to Accept the Unexpected

As I careened off of the icy freeway and through the median a couple of months ago, the following words came into my mind: Turn in to the spin.  Don’t fight it.  Turn in to the spin.  In a “Jesus Take the Wheel” moment my car was totaled, and through divine intervention, my little girl and I walked away without even whiplash.

Accepting the spin—even going towards it instead of away from it—made no sense at the time.  But looking back, it saved us from rolling and it may have saved other unsuspecting drivers on that cold winter night.

Lots of times we feel like all of a sudden due to an unexpected event our lives are spinning out of control—and we want to fight it.  And sometimes that’s the right thing to do.  But sometimes, it’s time to turn in to the spin and accept the unexpected because that’s how we gain back a sense of control.

Being diagnosed with bipolar has definitely been one such event.  Fortunately I’m learning some things that make acceptance easier.

1.       See the opportunity

I love the story about the donkey that fell into an old well.  There was no way to rescue the poor animal, so the farmer and his neighbors began shoveling dirt into the hole in an attempt to cover the well and put the donkey out of its misery.  At first the donkey was mad, and then suddenly he calmed down and let out some happy brays.  A few shovelfuls later, the farmer looked down into the hole and saw that with each shovel of dirt that hit the donkey’s back, the animal was shaking it off and taking a step up.  This continued until the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and trotted off.

Look for all of the good that can come from your challenge, and take advantage of new opportunities.  Who can you meet that you wouldn’t otherwise?  What can you do that you normally wouldn’t?  What can you focus on that you didn’t before?

2.       Laugh

My husband served an LDS mission in the boonies of Brazil.  He told me he started enjoying it a lot more once he decided to look at his nice Sunday shoes as hiking boots instead.

Look for things that make you laugh.  Watch funny YouTube videos and I Love Lucy reruns, read the comics, scroll through funny Pinterest boards, listen to Brian Regan, start speaking with a silly accent.  I like to google search “bipolar humor” and find little gems like this:

 

3.       Make Me Time

We all need “me time.”  Schedule it if you have to.  Take some time regularly to do something you love…new things that you’ve wanted to try…something that relaxes you.  Learning to have fun again and doing things that enrich and recharge you are powerful ways to cope.

4.       Reach out

Don’t sweep things under the rug.  One of my favorite quotes is from Spencer W. Kimball.  He said, “God does notice us and he watches over us.  But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs.”  Other people can’t meet our needs if they don’t know what they are.  Be open.  Being open about my situation has been scary, but I’ve received so much support from others that I wouldn’t have if I was quieter about it—and that support gives me the strength to serve others.

5.       Serve

Look for ways to give a little extra in what you do for your family and for your friends.  It just feels good. 

Another story I love is about the old man who saw thousands of starfish washed ashore on the beach.  He started throwing them back into the ocean, when another man came and asked him what he was doing and why.  He said, “Don’t you realize there are miles and miles of beach with washed up starfish?  You can’t possibly save them all, and even if you work all day it won’t make a difference.”  The old man listened calmly and then bent down to pick up another starfish and threw it into the sea.

“I made a difference to that one,” he said.

Cheesy and sappy yes… but true.

The Touch of the Baker's Hand

I was grocery shopping Saturday night when one of my favorite memories dashed into my mind.  A few weeks after my husband and I had started dating, I was about ready to call it quits.  He was kind, thoughtful, and a charismatic gentleman...but he was oh so serious.  Then one night, we went on a service project date to our church’s local cannery where they were canning flour.  When Greg dropped me off at my apartment, he handed me one of the large cans simply labeled, Flour.  “I thought you’d like a souvenir from our date,” he said while I smiled.  “You should probably open it tonight,” he said.  Something was up.  I opened it later to find a stargazer lily in a little vase of water. Ah--Flower.  His dry wit has filled my life with laughter every day since.

I started thinking about labels—all the food at the store is labeled so we know what we’re getting. I read those labels to my daughter the other night and remembered the time when she opened a bunch of boxes of instant pudding and pulled all of the little white packets out.  I had no idea which packet belonged in which box. Sometimes we label ourselves to help us belong. 

Some labels show, and some don’t.  I think we all worry about one big label being pressed onto us involuntarily, but the thing is, we are all far too complex for just one label.  We all have dozens and dozens of labels—and I bet if they were all visible, most of them would glitter.  (Does The Rainbow Fish book pop into anyone else’s mind when I say that?)  But even though I know I have glittery labels, there are days when I really would rather not have the bipolar label.  It’s an easy one for people to instantly misjudge, and usually it feels like the biggest one.  Sometimes I worry that it covers up the labels that I’d rather have seen—like good, kind, strong, friendly, writer, singer, dreamer…

And then I think about flour.  A simple word on a simple label for a simple substance.  Flour is flour.  Unless—surprise!—it’s flower.  But seriously now, I’m thinking of a plain old five pound bag of flour with a plain old five inch label.  Just because Flour is the one big label pressed onto the bag doesn’t mean that all it’s good for is to sit around and be flour. 

 

Flour is good for millions of things-- if it allows the baker to put it where it needs to go when it needs to go there.  Sometimes it doesn't get to be the first ingredient.  Sometimes it must be sifted.  Sometimes it needs to be mixed with cold, slimy, wet eggs, and it usually needs to endure a lot of heat--but the baker knows what needs to be done. The baker makes the flour into more than it could be alone.  And that reminds me of a beautiful message my parents taught me as a little girl.

 

The Touch of the Master's Hand

by Myra Brooks Welch

 

'Twas battered and scarred, and the auctioneer

Thought it was scarcely worth his while
To waste his time on the old violin,
But he held it up with a smile:

"What am I bidden, good folks," he cried,
"Who’ll start the bidding for me?"
"A dollar, a dollar”; then, “Two!” “Only two?
Two dollars, and who’ll make it three?
"Three dollars once; three dollars, twice;
Going for three—" But no,

From the room, far back, a gray haired man
Came forward and picked up the bow,
Then wiping the dust from the old violin
And tightening the loose strings,
He played a melody, pure and sweet
As sweet as the angel sings.

The music ceased and the auctioneer,
With a voice that was quiet and low,
Said, "What am I bid for the old violin?"
And he held it up with the bow.

"A thousand dollars, and who’ll make it two?
Two thousand! And who’ll make it three?
Three thousand once, three thousand twice,
And going and gone!" said he.

The people cheered, but some of them cried,
"We do not quite understand"
What changed its' worth." Swift came the reply:
"The Touch of the Masters Hand."

"And many a man with life out of tune
All battered and scarred with sin,
Is auctioned cheap to the thoughtless crowd
Much like that old violin.

A “mess of pottage,” a glass of wine,
A game—and he travels on.
He’s “going” once and “going” twice,
He is “going” and almost “gone.”

But the Master comes, and the foolish crowd

Never can quite understand
The worth of a soul and the change that’s wrought
By the touch of the Master’s hand.

One Little Like

We all see those pictures on Facebook—the crazy, funny, heart-wrenching, inspiring, or just plain cute ones with a “See how many likes this picture can get!” caption.  That’s a fun little game, but sometimes it just takes one. One little like.

A couple of weeks ago, I liked an article posted on Facebook about infertility because before Abbey, I had taken 36 negative pregnancy tests.  One of my friends saw that like and read the article.  She was touched and thanked me.  Another friend saw that and joined in on our conversation, and another friend saw that and joined in.  We had a nice little infertility party and I thought it was so neat what one little like could do.

Then last week someone liked my blog post on Facebook.  That one little like answered the prayer of a sweet lady halfway across the country who was looking for a friend and found me--a friend with bipolar who shares her values and is a young mother like herself.  She introduced me to another lady like us who blogs here, and now the three of us with answered prayers know that we are not alone in our circumstances.  That is what one little like can do.

I don’t know about you, but I’m about to do a whole lot more liking.

Why Weight is Not Worth the Worry

The messages are everywhere—plastered all over the world like a gaudy array of cheap rhinestones. 

Be thin. No excuses.

And if by some fortuitous circumstance, you happen to be happy with your body…

Don’t you dare gain weight.

We like to blame Hollywood and the fashion/beauty industry for these messages, but the truth is they come blaring at us from all types of media, public service announcements, the fitness industry, and even from the medical world.

It is not okay to be heavy.

And then we perpetuate these terrible ideas in our own mind.

I will be happier when I’m thinner.  I will be more attractive if I’m thinner. I’ll be a better friend, wife, mother, sister, and daughter if I’m thinner. I’ll like myself more when I’m thinner. I’m not taking care of myself if I’m not thin. When I’m thinner, I won’t feel guilty about being heavy.

Well don’t you dare listen.  Those are LIES!

At times I've believed and felt all of those terrible ideas--especially the guilt. That guilt intensified when I recently worked hard to lose 18 pounds and then gained 10 back.  I felt so guilty that any time I thought about my weight, I threw up—not because I wanted to—that’s just how awful my anxiety about it was. Last week my doctor prescribed a new medication to treat my bipolar and told me to be very careful because it's likely to cause weight gain.  And honestly, I cried.

In my desperation for peace, I’m gratefully learning the TRUE messages—the ones that should be scattered across the world like precious jewels—the messages that remind me that weight is not worth the worry. 

Your body enables your spirit to feel and experience the world in a way it couldn’t alone—and you don’t have to be thin to do that.

You are blessed to have a body.  I love this children’s song that talks about looking at the blue, blue sky…feeling the rain on your face, or the wind as it rushes by…touching a velvet rose…seeing butterfly wings…and hearing the magical sound of things. You do not have to be thin to do any of those things.  Being thin will not increase your ability to enjoy the beauty of the world. It will not make gorgeous sunsets more mesmerizing.  It will not make your favorite song sound even more amazing.  It will not make freshly cut grass smell even sweeter, nor will it make the taste of cool water even more satisfying--but being grateful for your body (thin or thick) WILL.  As author Melody Beattie wrote, “Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life.”

Your body is meant for so many more things than to be attractive.  So many more things.

Let’s be honest here.  The main reason people want to be thin is to be attractive, sexy, hot, or whatever you want to call it.  We want to be admired by others.  Now think about the people you admire most.  Is it because they are thin?  No.  So why would we want that for ourselves? 

Most of those in my list of favorite people are not thin.  I admire them because they use their bodies to serve and cheer others up.  They use their bodies to make others feel loved and admired.  They use their bodies to develop and share their talents and to accomplish their personal goals.  Those are the people I admire. But in making people happy, they don’t neglect themselves.  They wear nice clothes that fit, they have great hair, nails, and makeup.  They simply follow the advice of one good mother to her daughter, “Do everything you can to make your appearance pleasing, but the minute you walk out the door, forget yourself and start concentrating on others.” (Read more beautiful words about the body here.)

Someday your body will be perfect.

When you listen to all of those stupid cheap lies about being thin, you start to think being heavy is a choice—the result of laziness.  The truth is that it usually is NOT a choice.  Some bodies are just not designed to be thin. Some bodies deal with medical conditions that make working out nearly impossible.  Some bodies deal with weight that naturally accompanies certain medical conditions, and some bodies need medications that can cause weight gain.

But one day those bodies will be perfect—“breathtakingly perfect in both body and mind”.  
(See more here and verse 44 here.)

In the meantime, in reminding myself that weight is not worth the worry, I’ve made the following my motto:

Eat well. Exercise. Accept.

When Hawaii's Not an Option -- How to Help Someone Who is Struggling Emotionally

We all know someone struggling emotionally, but we don't always know what to do about it.  Below are some suggestions of "what to do about it."

 

1.  Be grateful that you are aware of the situation.

Emotional battles are often invisible, and many like to keep them that way.  Let the person know that you are grateful to be a part of her life and respect her vulnerability.

2.   Let the person know you are available as a support.

Even if you’ve received secondhand information about the person’s struggle, let her know that you are there for her.  So many times we feel like we’re not helping much if we only say, “Hey let me know if you need anything!”  But when we sincerely said, this offer is powerful to someone dealing with emotional problems.  Don’t feel bad about not knowing exactly what she needs—she may not even know what she needs.  That simple reminder of an offer to help means her support system is growing and getting stronger.

3.   Be willing to listen, but not expecting to listen.

Lots of times people like to talk about their struggles.  And lots of times they don’t.  I’m going to be completely honest here.  Sometimes I intentionally don’t answer phone calls or answer the door because I’m just not up to it.  It’s not you—it’s me.  Don’t feel bad if I don’t feel like talking.  Leave a voicemail or a text saying something like, “Hi!  I was just thinking about you.  Give me a call when you can.”  That way I don’t feel pressured to talk, but I can when I’m ready.  If you sense the person needs to talk, but is having a hard time bringing up the subject, just ask. 
 
4.   Sincerely ask how the person is doing—twice.

“Hi! How are you?” is a greeting far too complicated to respond to when a person is dealing with an emotional issue.  Ask her again, and show her you have a minute to listen.  If you don’t have a minute to listen, just say hi and tell her how good it is to see her.

5.   Give validation.

Feel free to express an experience with your own emotional struggle, or that of someone you know—but don’t use the “someone else has it worse, so you should feel better” card.  Now, this person feels guilt in addition to whatever emotional burden she is already carrying.  Saying someone shouldn’t be sad because someone else may have it worse is like saying someone shouldn’t be happy because someone else might have it better.  I wish I could say I was the brilliance behind that last thought, but no—the credit goes to some Pinterest genius.

6.  Give affirmation.

Emotional battles are confidence shakers. Kind words are confidence strengtheners.  (There. That sounds a little Pinterest-worthy doesn’t it?)  Freely given affirmation is so important to emotional warriors.  It is so refreshing to hear positive words in contrast to the negativity flooding her mind.  See beyond the struggle and don’t withhold compliments—express them.  Recognize her talent, tell her she’s beautiful inside and out, praise her work, ask her to help you in ways that she can.

7.  Be kind.

Simply be a friend.  Make regular contact, talk about other things besides the struggle, and show you care.  Get out and do things together.  If the person isn’t up to it, try another day.  If she’s still not up to it, try another day. And if she’s still not up to it, try another day.  Seriously.  Send texts and notes, drop by treats, offer to go for a walk or out to lunch, run errands for her—just think of the little things that others do for you that make you smile and do those for others. 

8.  Be a helper, not a fixer.

As badly as we may want to fix it, sometimes we have to realize that the situation can’t be fixed—it can only be relieved.

9.   See beyond the battle.

The emotional struggle does not define her.  It will certainly change her, but it does not make her less good, less deserving, or less adequate. Let her know that.

And then work on getting to Hawaii.