Windex for the Soul

You looked in the mirror this morning. Let’s just say you didn’t see exactly what you wanted to see. 

And let’s be honest—you started thinking about everything you aren’t and everything that everyone else seems to be.  You wanted to have a peek into your friends’ mirrors—the ones who are going on fantastic vacations, the ones who are having babies, the ones who are the superheroes of the neighborhood, the ones who take care of perfect yards, the ones who run marathons, the ones who are blogger extraordinaires, the ones who are so talented there’s nothing they can’t do, and the ones who do all that and more and still manage to be the mom every kid wishes for. 

And there you are seeing just about the opposite of everything you want to see in your own mirror…

~

One of my favorite movies, My Big Fat Greek Wedding has a running joke about Windex--the plain blue glass cleaner-- fixing “any ailment from psoriasis to poison ivy.”

“Put some Windex on it,” Toula’s father is always saying in his thick Greek accent.

Well my friend, it’s time to put some “Windex” on it—the kind for the soul with five simple ingredients:

1.      Kindness

Do something nice that you don’t have to do.  Pick up some trash, leave some nice comments on Facebook, make a phone call to an old friend, send a text just to say hi, take the neighbors cookies...Wait—don’t get overwhelmed.  Just deliberately do one nice thing per day and see what happens.

2.      Remembrance

Remember who you are—not just now, but remember who you were like 100 years ago. Try –really– hard.  There you go…that’s it.  Can you believe that’s who you are?! And remember, in a moment when you feel like no one loves you, and it’s hard to even love yourself—remember that you are the result of the love of thousands. Think about that next time you look in the mirror.

3.      Enjoyment

Spend time doing something simply because you enjoy it.  Play the piano—not to perfect a song, but to feel it.  Write—not to be published, but simply to bring peace. Read, listen to music, watch TV, color, paint, go shopping, or cook.  Just find something to do every day for even only a few minutes for pure enjoyment.

4.      Recognition

We all love praise and recognition and there never seems to be enough of it.  It’s okay to give it to yourself!  A powerful form of self-affirmation is writing down all of those good little things you do that no one else knows about—just keep a journal.  Or simply write a ta-da list at the end of the day even if it doesn’t include everything you started with on your to-do list.

5.      Nature

Watch a sunset, listen to the birds, look at the sky, feel the grass between your toes, stop and smell the roses, go for a hike, drive through a canyon and stop at an overlook. Take a little time every day to enjoy this beautiful world.

~

And then you realize your mirror is dirty. All those imperfections and shortcomings are actually smudges, splashes…and who knows what. 

So my friend, spiffy up your mirror and smile.

 

How to Become Grateful No Matter What

I heard this thought-provoking quote by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf a few weeks ago in this beautiful talk about the power of gratitude in any circumstances:

“How much of life do we miss by waiting for the rainbow before thanking God for rain?”

 

When I heard that, I immediately realized that I am a "rain, rain go away" singer, and definitely a rainbow waiter.  Saturday it rained all day.  I was disappointed about staying inside and expected my toddler to be too, but she was thrilled about all the things we could do inside.  She reminded me that when some opportunities are lost, different—and sometimes better—opportunities are received.  Throughout the day, she pointed out the window and cheerfully exclaimed, “Rain! Rain! Rain!”  We looked together at everything coated in water and I marveled at how much bolder the usual colors looked.  There was no arching rainbow like I would have loved to show her, but the spring greens were more vibrant, the purples richer, and the yellows even more brilliant.  And I thanked God for the rain, realizing also how much more vibrant my life is with metaphorical rain.

 

I’m coming to learn that gratitude is action before it is attitude.  These actions are helping me to become grateful no matter what:

 

Eliminate Entitlement

Greed is the opposite of gratitude, and it starts with a sense of entitlement.  There’s a story by Aesop about a goose that laid golden eggs—one egg per day.  The farmer eventually got tired of waiting for the eggs and decided there must be dozens of golden eggs inside the goose, and demanding immediate gratification, he killed the goose.  There were no eggs inside her, and no more would ever be laid.  When we feel entitled to a rainbow, we miss the beauty and practicality of the rain. Eliminate entitlement—all it takes is empathy and humility, which as C.S. Lewis said is “not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less.”

 

Give to be Grateful

Author Elizabeth Bibesco wrote, “Blessed are they who can give without remembering and take without forgetting.”  Givers are grateful.  Maybe it’s because service helps them to forget their own problems.  Maybe it’s because doing things for others makes them more aware of what is done for them.  Or maybe it’s because giving connects us, helping us to realize how dependent we are on each other.  Give no matter what—all it takes is making someone smile.

Quit Comparing

“Comparison is the thief of joy,” Theodore Roosevelt said.  I’m coming to learn that when we compare ourselves to others, oftentimes we’re comparing ourselves to someone wearing the same jersey.  We’re all on the same team.  That means that when one person succeeds, it doesn’t diminish our success! 

Sometimes when it’s raining, it’s easy to compare our current situation to past or future sunshine.  Those are and will be good times—but dwelling on those leads us to lose focus on our beautiful purpose in the present.  Quit comparing—all it takes is remembering who you really are.

 

See Surprises

See the beautiful surprises God has given you, and consider His joy when he sees your joy. Remember the rainbows you didn’t have to search for. See surprises—all it takes is counting the blessings you’ve been given without even asking for them.

 

Let God be God

This may be the hardest—it requires being still, trusting your unknown future to an all-knowing Heavenly Father, and remembering that no matter how heavy the downpour, the rain is always temporary.

 

And as the rain falls, do everything you can to let the light into your storm—because seeing rainbows takes rain, light, and the right perspective.

What Easter Means to Me Now

I felt down on Wednesday morning and decided to go for a walk in the sunshine in an attempt to cheer myself up.  I loaded my sweet little toddler into the stroller and she began to wave and say hello to everything she saw—dogs and bugs included.  The blossoming trees were fragrant, the tulips and hyacinths were so bright and colorful, the birds were singing, and suddenly I was sobbing.  All I could think about was stepping in front of a car.  Fortunately, I realized that this was not rational thinking.  I kept walking, frightened that if I stopped something terrible would happen. Tears streamed down my face as I called my husband who was nearly an hour away at work.  He immediately sped home, and in the meantime we each desperately called neighbors to come to my rescue.  In a beautiful tender mercy, my friend Emily who is usually at the gym at that time had for some reason decided to stay home and do yard work that day.  She picked me up, took me to her house, and started chatting—distracting me from my awful thoughts.

Long story short, my husband spent the day by my side.  I called my psychiatrist who immediately got me on some Zyprexa which put me into a deep sleep and took the edge off.  I saw him the next day and we realized that the Wellbutrin I’d been on for the last 2 ½ weeks had made things worse—much worse.  We raised my Zoloft dose and added Abilify and for the last four days I’ve felt a million times better.

Asking for help is hard for me—even in such an urgent situation.  I would much rather be the one to give service than to ask for it.  But then I remember something I recently learned in my scripture study.  When Jesus Christ suffered for our sins in Gethsemane, he set a powerful example for us.  He, the only perfect person to walk the earth, sought help—three times—from his friends under His heavy burden.  He was completely capable of shouldering it alone, but He desired companionship and He asked for it. (Matt. 26:38-43)

Today is the one year anniversary of the day I received the diagnosis that will impact my family and me for the rest of my life. This week we also celebrate the anniversary of events nearly 2,000 years ago that impact my family and me forever…

 

I believe that my Redeemer lives, and Easter has a new significance for me now.  Because of Him, I know that despite how utterly limited I feel some days—one day I will be “breathtakingly perfect in body and mind.” 

And in the meantime…

Because of Him, my life has direction and purpose.  He is my example and I find happiness and peace when I try to be like Him by doing good and by taking time to be holy.

Because of Him, my best is enough.  No matter how much I fall short, He makes up the difference—again and again and again.

Because of Him, I can let go and know that everything is going to eventually be okay.

And because of Him, today I went for another walk on a beautiful spring day—my heart brimming with gratitude and hope.

How to Accept the Unexpected

As I careened off of the icy freeway and through the median a couple of months ago, the following words came into my mind: Turn in to the spin.  Don’t fight it.  Turn in to the spin.  In a “Jesus Take the Wheel” moment my car was totaled, and through divine intervention, my little girl and I walked away without even whiplash.

Accepting the spin—even going towards it instead of away from it—made no sense at the time.  But looking back, it saved us from rolling and it may have saved other unsuspecting drivers on that cold winter night.

Lots of times we feel like all of a sudden due to an unexpected event our lives are spinning out of control—and we want to fight it.  And sometimes that’s the right thing to do.  But sometimes, it’s time to turn in to the spin and accept the unexpected because that’s how we gain back a sense of control.

Being diagnosed with bipolar has definitely been one such event.  Fortunately I’m learning some things that make acceptance easier.

1.       See the opportunity

I love the story about the donkey that fell into an old well.  There was no way to rescue the poor animal, so the farmer and his neighbors began shoveling dirt into the hole in an attempt to cover the well and put the donkey out of its misery.  At first the donkey was mad, and then suddenly he calmed down and let out some happy brays.  A few shovelfuls later, the farmer looked down into the hole and saw that with each shovel of dirt that hit the donkey’s back, the animal was shaking it off and taking a step up.  This continued until the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and trotted off.

Look for all of the good that can come from your challenge, and take advantage of new opportunities.  Who can you meet that you wouldn’t otherwise?  What can you do that you normally wouldn’t?  What can you focus on that you didn’t before?

2.       Laugh

My husband served an LDS mission in the boonies of Brazil.  He told me he started enjoying it a lot more once he decided to look at his nice Sunday shoes as hiking boots instead.

Look for things that make you laugh.  Watch funny YouTube videos and I Love Lucy reruns, read the comics, scroll through funny Pinterest boards, listen to Brian Regan, start speaking with a silly accent.  I like to google search “bipolar humor” and find little gems like this:

 

3.       Make Me Time

We all need “me time.”  Schedule it if you have to.  Take some time regularly to do something you love…new things that you’ve wanted to try…something that relaxes you.  Learning to have fun again and doing things that enrich and recharge you are powerful ways to cope.

4.       Reach out

Don’t sweep things under the rug.  One of my favorite quotes is from Spencer W. Kimball.  He said, “God does notice us and he watches over us.  But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs.”  Other people can’t meet our needs if they don’t know what they are.  Be open.  Being open about my situation has been scary, but I’ve received so much support from others that I wouldn’t have if I was quieter about it—and that support gives me the strength to serve others.

5.       Serve

Look for ways to give a little extra in what you do for your family and for your friends.  It just feels good. 

Another story I love is about the old man who saw thousands of starfish washed ashore on the beach.  He started throwing them back into the ocean, when another man came and asked him what he was doing and why.  He said, “Don’t you realize there are miles and miles of beach with washed up starfish?  You can’t possibly save them all, and even if you work all day it won’t make a difference.”  The old man listened calmly and then bent down to pick up another starfish and threw it into the sea.

“I made a difference to that one,” he said.

Cheesy and sappy yes… but true.

The Touch of the Baker's Hand

I was grocery shopping Saturday night when one of my favorite memories dashed into my mind.  A few weeks after my husband and I had started dating, I was about ready to call it quits.  He was kind, thoughtful, and a charismatic gentleman...but he was oh so serious.  Then one night, we went on a service project date to our church’s local cannery where they were canning flour.  When Greg dropped me off at my apartment, he handed me one of the large cans simply labeled, Flour.  “I thought you’d like a souvenir from our date,” he said while I smiled.  “You should probably open it tonight,” he said.  Something was up.  I opened it later to find a stargazer lily in a little vase of water. Ah--Flower.  His dry wit has filled my life with laughter every day since.

I started thinking about labels—all the food at the store is labeled so we know what we’re getting. I read those labels to my daughter the other night and remembered the time when she opened a bunch of boxes of instant pudding and pulled all of the little white packets out.  I had no idea which packet belonged in which box. Sometimes we label ourselves to help us belong. 

Some labels show, and some don’t.  I think we all worry about one big label being pressed onto us involuntarily, but the thing is, we are all far too complex for just one label.  We all have dozens and dozens of labels—and I bet if they were all visible, most of them would glitter.  (Does The Rainbow Fish book pop into anyone else’s mind when I say that?)  But even though I know I have glittery labels, there are days when I really would rather not have the bipolar label.  It’s an easy one for people to instantly misjudge, and usually it feels like the biggest one.  Sometimes I worry that it covers up the labels that I’d rather have seen—like good, kind, strong, friendly, writer, singer, dreamer…

And then I think about flour.  A simple word on a simple label for a simple substance.  Flour is flour.  Unless—surprise!—it’s flower.  But seriously now, I’m thinking of a plain old five pound bag of flour with a plain old five inch label.  Just because Flour is the one big label pressed onto the bag doesn’t mean that all it’s good for is to sit around and be flour. 

 

Flour is good for millions of things-- if it allows the baker to put it where it needs to go when it needs to go there.  Sometimes it doesn't get to be the first ingredient.  Sometimes it must be sifted.  Sometimes it needs to be mixed with cold, slimy, wet eggs, and it usually needs to endure a lot of heat--but the baker knows what needs to be done. The baker makes the flour into more than it could be alone.  And that reminds me of a beautiful message my parents taught me as a little girl.

 

The Touch of the Master's Hand

by Myra Brooks Welch

 

'Twas battered and scarred, and the auctioneer

Thought it was scarcely worth his while
To waste his time on the old violin,
But he held it up with a smile:

"What am I bidden, good folks," he cried,
"Who’ll start the bidding for me?"
"A dollar, a dollar”; then, “Two!” “Only two?
Two dollars, and who’ll make it three?
"Three dollars once; three dollars, twice;
Going for three—" But no,

From the room, far back, a gray haired man
Came forward and picked up the bow,
Then wiping the dust from the old violin
And tightening the loose strings,
He played a melody, pure and sweet
As sweet as the angel sings.

The music ceased and the auctioneer,
With a voice that was quiet and low,
Said, "What am I bid for the old violin?"
And he held it up with the bow.

"A thousand dollars, and who’ll make it two?
Two thousand! And who’ll make it three?
Three thousand once, three thousand twice,
And going and gone!" said he.

The people cheered, but some of them cried,
"We do not quite understand"
What changed its' worth." Swift came the reply:
"The Touch of the Masters Hand."

"And many a man with life out of tune
All battered and scarred with sin,
Is auctioned cheap to the thoughtless crowd
Much like that old violin.

A “mess of pottage,” a glass of wine,
A game—and he travels on.
He’s “going” once and “going” twice,
He is “going” and almost “gone.”

But the Master comes, and the foolish crowd

Never can quite understand
The worth of a soul and the change that’s wrought
By the touch of the Master’s hand.

One Little Like

We all see those pictures on Facebook—the crazy, funny, heart-wrenching, inspiring, or just plain cute ones with a “See how many likes this picture can get!” caption.  That’s a fun little game, but sometimes it just takes one. One little like.

A couple of weeks ago, I liked an article posted on Facebook about infertility because before Abbey, I had taken 36 negative pregnancy tests.  One of my friends saw that like and read the article.  She was touched and thanked me.  Another friend saw that and joined in on our conversation, and another friend saw that and joined in.  We had a nice little infertility party and I thought it was so neat what one little like could do.

Then last week someone liked my blog post on Facebook.  That one little like answered the prayer of a sweet lady halfway across the country who was looking for a friend and found me--a friend with bipolar who shares her values and is a young mother like herself.  She introduced me to another lady like us who blogs here, and now the three of us with answered prayers know that we are not alone in our circumstances.  That is what one little like can do.

I don’t know about you, but I’m about to do a whole lot more liking.

Why Weight is Not Worth the Worry

The messages are everywhere—plastered all over the world like a gaudy array of cheap rhinestones. 

Be thin. No excuses.

And if by some fortuitous circumstance, you happen to be happy with your body…

Don’t you dare gain weight.

We like to blame Hollywood and the fashion/beauty industry for these messages, but the truth is they come blaring at us from all types of media, public service announcements, the fitness industry, and even from the medical world.

It is not okay to be heavy.

And then we perpetuate these terrible ideas in our own mind.

I will be happier when I’m thinner.  I will be more attractive if I’m thinner. I’ll be a better friend, wife, mother, sister, and daughter if I’m thinner. I’ll like myself more when I’m thinner. I’m not taking care of myself if I’m not thin. When I’m thinner, I won’t feel guilty about being heavy.

Well don’t you dare listen.  Those are LIES!

At times I've believed and felt all of those terrible ideas--especially the guilt. That guilt intensified when I recently worked hard to lose 18 pounds and then gained 10 back.  I felt so guilty that any time I thought about my weight, I threw up—not because I wanted to—that’s just how awful my anxiety about it was. Last week my doctor prescribed a new medication to treat my bipolar and told me to be very careful because it's likely to cause weight gain.  And honestly, I cried.

In my desperation for peace, I’m gratefully learning the TRUE messages—the ones that should be scattered across the world like precious jewels—the messages that remind me that weight is not worth the worry. 

Your body enables your spirit to feel and experience the world in a way it couldn’t alone—and you don’t have to be thin to do that.

You are blessed to have a body.  I love this children’s song that talks about looking at the blue, blue sky…feeling the rain on your face, or the wind as it rushes by…touching a velvet rose…seeing butterfly wings…and hearing the magical sound of things. You do not have to be thin to do any of those things.  Being thin will not increase your ability to enjoy the beauty of the world. It will not make gorgeous sunsets more mesmerizing.  It will not make your favorite song sound even more amazing.  It will not make freshly cut grass smell even sweeter, nor will it make the taste of cool water even more satisfying--but being grateful for your body (thin or thick) WILL.  As author Melody Beattie wrote, “Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life.”

Your body is meant for so many more things than to be attractive.  So many more things.

Let’s be honest here.  The main reason people want to be thin is to be attractive, sexy, hot, or whatever you want to call it.  We want to be admired by others.  Now think about the people you admire most.  Is it because they are thin?  No.  So why would we want that for ourselves? 

Most of those in my list of favorite people are not thin.  I admire them because they use their bodies to serve and cheer others up.  They use their bodies to make others feel loved and admired.  They use their bodies to develop and share their talents and to accomplish their personal goals.  Those are the people I admire. But in making people happy, they don’t neglect themselves.  They wear nice clothes that fit, they have great hair, nails, and makeup.  They simply follow the advice of one good mother to her daughter, “Do everything you can to make your appearance pleasing, but the minute you walk out the door, forget yourself and start concentrating on others.” (Read more beautiful words about the body here.)

Someday your body will be perfect.

When you listen to all of those stupid cheap lies about being thin, you start to think being heavy is a choice—the result of laziness.  The truth is that it usually is NOT a choice.  Some bodies are just not designed to be thin. Some bodies deal with medical conditions that make working out nearly impossible.  Some bodies deal with weight that naturally accompanies certain medical conditions, and some bodies need medications that can cause weight gain.

But one day those bodies will be perfect—“breathtakingly perfect in both body and mind”.  
(See more here and verse 44 here.)

In the meantime, in reminding myself that weight is not worth the worry, I’ve made the following my motto:

Eat well. Exercise. Accept.