The Gift of Enough

As my little girl and I were cleaning up toys, she began to sing, “Clean up, clean up, everybody everywhere…”  What a little princess, huh?  Singing as she cleans.

“All right.  You’ve done enough,” I said when we finished tidying the room. 

Enough.  I thought about the word for a moment, wishing I could speak those words to myself.  It’s all right.  You’ve done enough…you are enough.  It seems like there’s always more to do or more to be.

And then I remembered these words from the Savior of the world: My grace is sufficient for thee. 

He cannot lie.  He says he makes up the difference—and so he does.

As I wiped down the kitchen counter, it dawned on me that when I said “you’ve done enough” to Abbey, I wasn’t expecting her to do more than she could.  I didn’t expect her to also take care of the dishes, laundry, or mopping.  I just wanted her to simply try to do what she could. And it thrilled me that she did it “cheerfully”.

I didn’t expect her to “run faster than she had strength,” or even do everything all at once.  So why do I expect that of myself?  Even God Himself didn’t create the earth all at once.  It took time.  And then He took time to rest.

Rest.  That’s what the Savior invites us to do.  Rest from worrying about whether or not we’re “enough” because with him, we are.  In what James E. Talmage called “one of the grandest outpourings of spiritual emotion known to man,” our Savior pleads with us:

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matt. 11:28-30)

He promises everyone that if we partner with Him, we will be enough.  No exceptions. No lost causes.  All we have to do is humbly take His yoke upon us—a spiritual yoke, hewn with faith and conversion.  A yoke that combines our efforts with His absolute perfection in a slow and steady, balanced pace.  A yoke that makes extreme and even everyday burdens easier.

He promises.

I am enough because He lives.

Abbey played with her toys—gifts from Christmastime—while I swept the floor, and I found myself so delighted at her delight.

I considered the delight of our Savior when he sees our delight at His gift to us--His gift of enough.

I smiled and joined my little girl in happiness.

Never Undone

“You can do it,” I tell my little girl as she gets dressed.  “One thing at a time,” I say as I hand her pieces of darling clothing someone thoughtfully left on our porch one day.  I’m thinking of everything I have to do today and realizing that oh so much of it is all-too-similar to what I already did yesterday and what I’ll do again tomorrow.

And the day after that.

And the day after that.

I’ll do dishes again and they’ll get undone again.  I’ll do laundry again and it’ll get undone again. Sweep—undone. Pick up stuff a hundred times—undone a hundred times.  Some days, some things never even get done in the first place, and most days, it seems like things will always be this way.  But as wiser women say, one day when there aren’t any toys to pick up, I’ll miss these days because after all, things won’t always be this way.

Except for one thing.  I will always love my daughter. 

Even if I have to change her outfit eight times today, that love will never change.

Even if I pick up her toys more than a million times today, I will still love her for more than a million years.

And even if I need to wash her hands and face two dozen times today, that love will never wash away.

So, chin up to anyone who feels the same sort of daily monotony—

Even if everything else you do today comes completely undone, take heart and just know this:

Some things--the most important ones--can never come undone.

The Shepherds' Gift

At the time of Christ’s birth, there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. I imagine them as passionate, practiced, and prepared protectors able to skillfully stave off any threat to their flock.  But when the angel of the Lord came upon them and the glory of the Lord shone round about them…the were sore afraid.  Sore afraid.  Not simply startled.  Not just frightened.  They were painfully afraid.  They experienced a fear so strong that they ached.

Then the angel delivered a beautiful message. “Fear not: for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.  For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.”  The angel’s words calmed them.  In moments, the shepherds’ panic was transformed to peace, and because of one sentence, their fear became faith as they discovered the Gift.

“And this shall be a sign unto you,” the angel continued, “Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.”  Just picture the shepherds’ excitement when they realized that not only was the savior finally born, but that they would be some of His first witnesses!  With eagerness they embraced the Gift, leaving their treasured sheep and came with haste, and found Mary, and Joseph, and the baby lying in a manger.

It’s there that the story usually ends.  But in the next verse we learn of the shepherds’ gift to that precious babe:

And when they had seen it, they made known abroad the saying which was told them concerning this child.*

The shepherds’ gift to the newborn Savior was sharing the message that had brought them such peace in the midst of their anguish.

That same message also brings me peace when I need it most.  It’s the message that makes my hopes and dreams of eternal life with a perfected body and mind possible.  It’s the message that tells me I can receive forgiveness, and it’s the message that tells me that I will be with those whom I love most forever. I truly believe that Jesus Christ is our Savior given to all people by our magnificent God who so loved the world. 

*Luke 2:17

Grateful for Ungiven Gifts

With bright eyes my two-year-old daughter emerged from the basement, her arms full of play kitchen accessories.  She dropped them on the floor, picked out a little rolling pin, and waved it in the air with delight.

“Look Mommy!  Pink roller!  My pink roller!” 

She had found part of her Christmas present.  Oh no.  How could I take something away from her that brought her such joy?  My eyes brimmed with tears as I took the rolling pin, scooped up the plastic pots, pans, and spatulas, and ran downstairs, stashing them in a better hiding spot while she stood completely confused in the kitchen.  When I came back up, I gave her a hug, told her that she couldn’t have those toys yet, and tried to console her with an old toy. 

Oh I felt like such a mean mom. 

But little did she know that I’ve been eagerly scouring the internet for weeks to find the perfect play kitchen, finally found it, have it hidden away, and I can’t wait to give it to her.  I have so much more in store for her than a little pink rolling pin!  My heart broke as I realized that she doesn’t know that.

She is unaware of all the ungiven gifts that await her…

As we are unaware of all the ungiven gifts that await us.

Last week I felt a little like my toddler standing so confused in the kitchen.  A couple of months ago, I accepted an opportunity to go back part-time as a writer for the public relations firm I’d worked at before Abbey was born.  I would have to wait a couple of months for some work issues to be settled, but I was thrilled with the chance to use my skills and have more adult interaction. It seemed like just what I needed.  Well, suddenly in the midst of settling those issues, the company closed.  I felt like someone had stolen my little pink rolling pin!

But now I realize that there are ungiven gifts that await me.  There’s something better in store.

I’ve been thinking about that little play kitchen and wondering if I did the right thing.  What if, instead of taking away the accessories, I had led her to the main Christmas gift right then and there? The timing wouldn't have been right. 

My then future husband was 29 when we happened to sit next to each other at a church fireside. I said hello and asked for his name and he asked for my number.  Over the next year, we fell in love and were married.  In our LDS culture, most people marry in their early twenties, not their early thirties, and I'm sure my husband had wondered what was wrong with him.  Nothing was wrong with him---it was me.  I hadn't grown up yet.  On that spring evening we sat next to each other, I was only 19.  Now, almost eight years later, it's clear to see that the Lord arranged to give us the gift of each other as potential spouses as soon as He possibly could--as soon as I was ready.

Later, we struggled for three years to have a baby. Finally after some fertility treatments and thirty-six negative pregnancy tests, we conceived.  Again, the Lord arranged to give us a beautiful gift just as soon as He possibly could. Those three years were so hard for me, but now I realize that we needed that time of being a family of two to strengthen our relationship and prepare for what would follow the birth of our little sweetheart--my postpartum depression and the onset of my bipolar disorder. 

As bright as my daughter’s eyes were at the thought of having her very own rolling pin, I can’t wait to show her that there’s so much more, and that with disappointment and loss comes hope.  I truly believe the Lord has countless ungiven gifts awaiting each of us and He enthusiastically waits for just the right moment to grant them in a way so that our eyes will light up just like a child’s on Christmas morning.

Your Best is Enough

When I was in 5^th grade, I competed in the state spelling bee.  You miss a word there and you remember how to spell it forever—like the word tendril—which of course, now seems like the easiest word in the world to spell. However, I felt like I’d done my best, and I enjoyed an amazing experience wearing the prettiest dress I’d ever owned.  

I’ve always struggled with perfectionism, but fortunately as I’ve gotten older I’ve realized that it can often prevent progress, and that as my editor aunt used to say, “done is better than perfect.” But since life with bipolar, I have really struggled to recognize when I’ve done my best, and when I could maybe do a little bit more. 

It’s probably because “doing my best” is so vastly different depending on the day.  Some days, doing my best means great gospel study, entertaining a two-year-old, cleaning the entire house, working out for an hour, making someone’s day, doing yard work, and throwing together a gourmet dinner.

But some days, doing my best means getting out of bed. 

And on those days I try to remember this gem of wisdom from Elder Russell M. Nelson: “Men are that they might have joy—not guilt trips!”

A quote by Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin also eases my mind: “To do what I can is all my Heavenly Father now requires of me.  And it is all He requires of you…The only thing you need to worry about is striving to be the best you can be.  And how do you do that? You keep your eye on the goals that matter most in life, and you move towards them step by step…We don’t have to be fast, we simply have to be steady.”

I was lucky enough to compete in the state spelling bee again in 6^th grade, but this time the jitters got the best of me and I missed the word colossal.  Not so happy memories. Why?  Because I’d wanted to do THE best, not my best—and in focusing on that, I forgot all about the amazing experience it was to simply be there.

So it is with life.

We all want to do THE best—but by focusing on that and everyone else around us, we often miss the amazing experiences that are ours.

Elder Wirthlin also spoke of John Wooden, who was “perhaps the greatest college basketball coach in the history of the game.  He had four full undefeated seasons.  His teams won 10 national championships.  At one point, he had a streak of 88 consecutive wins.

One of the first things Coach Wooden drilled into his players was something his father had taught him when he was a boy growing up on a farm. ‘Don’t worry much about trying to be better than someone else,’ his father said. ‘Learn from others, yes. But don’t just try to be better than they are.  You have no control over that. Instead try…to be the best that you can be.  That you have control over.’”

And here’s the thing, the best has already been done by our Savior.  He set the perfect example of doing your best and that included the help of Heavenly Father, increasing gradually in wisdom, rest and meditation, and the help of friends. 

As long as I’m trying to follow His example, somehow he fills in the entire gap where I fall short—no matter how big that gap is. That’s why on the good and not-so-good days—and all the ones in between—my best is enough. 

Like a Broken Crayon

“Broken! Broken!” my two year-old said with worried eyes as she held up a little stub of orange crayon.

“But it’s okay,” I tried to explain.

I thought about my psychiatrist appointment a few days earlier, where the doctor had with a broad smile, proclaimed me “stable.”  That word meant my next appointment would be in three months instead of the three to six week schedule I’d been on for more than a year. And thankfully it meant no drastic medication changes.  I had breathed a sigh of relief, returning her smile as my eyes brimmed with grateful tears—but that word didn’t take away the fact that I still felt broken.

But it’s okay. Those words echoed in my mind.

I suddenly realized that I, and everyone else who feels a little broken, is like that bright little piece of crayon.  Changed, yes, but still able to fulfill its purpose through The Artist.

There’s a story that I heard several years ago that illustrates this point. 

A water bearer in India had two large pots which he carried at each end of a pole across the back of his neck.  One pot was perfect, but the other had such a crack in it that by the time the man arrived at his master’s house, it had leaked out half of the water it was supposed to hold.  After a time the cracked pot spoke to the man at the stream and said, “I’m ashamed of myself and want to apologize to you.”

“Why?” asked the water bearer.

“I’m only able to deliver half of the water that I’m supposed to because I leak.  I’m broken.”

The man filled the cracked pot with water and said, “But it’s okay. As we return to the master’s house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path.”

As they went up the hill, the cracked pot cheered up as it looked upon all the beautiful wildflowers on the side of the path.  But at the end of the road, the pot realized it was half empty and again apologized.  The man said to the pot, “Did you notice that flowers were only on your side of the path?  That’s because I knew about your flaw.  I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back from the stream, you water them for me.  I pick those flowers to decorate my master’s table.  If you were not just the way you are, he would not have such beauty to grace his house.”

That my friends, is why being broken is okay.  It’s because there is Someone who knows our potential—even with our flaws—and wants us to succeed.  No matter how broken we may be, we are complete when we partner with our Savior, Jesus Christ.

And as I swirled that broken orange crayon along the paper, showing my daughter that it was okay, I smiled as she broke into laughter.

Broken

by Kenneth Cope

Broken clouds give rain
Broken soil grows grain
Broken bread feeds man for one more day
Broken storms yield light
The break of day heals night
Broken pride turns blindness into sight

Broken souls that need His mending
Broken hearts for offering
Could it be that God loves broken things?

Broken chains set free
Broken swords bring peace
Broken walls make friends of you and me
To break the ranks of sin
To break the news of Him
To put on Christ till His name feels broken in

Broken souls that need His mending
Broken hearts for offering
I believe that God loves broken things

And yet our broken faith, our broken promises
Sent love to the cross
And still, that broken flesh, that broken heart of His
Offers us such grace and mercy
Covers us with love undeserving

This broken soul that cries for mending
This broken heart for offering
I'm convinced that God loves broken me

Praise His name, my God loves broken things.

Windex for the Soul

You looked in the mirror this morning. Let’s just say you didn’t see exactly what you wanted to see. 

And let’s be honest—you started thinking about everything you aren’t and everything that everyone else seems to be.  You wanted to have a peek into your friends’ mirrors—the ones who are going on fantastic vacations, the ones who are having babies, the ones who are the superheroes of the neighborhood, the ones who take care of perfect yards, the ones who run marathons, the ones who are blogger extraordinaires, the ones who are so talented there’s nothing they can’t do, and the ones who do all that and more and still manage to be the mom every kid wishes for. 

And there you are seeing just about the opposite of everything you want to see in your own mirror…

~

One of my favorite movies, My Big Fat Greek Wedding has a running joke about Windex--the plain blue glass cleaner-- fixing “any ailment from psoriasis to poison ivy.”

“Put some Windex on it,” Toula’s father is always saying in his thick Greek accent.

Well my friend, it’s time to put some “Windex” on it—the kind for the soul with five simple ingredients:

1.      Kindness

Do something nice that you don’t have to do.  Pick up some trash, leave some nice comments on Facebook, make a phone call to an old friend, send a text just to say hi, take the neighbors cookies...Wait—don’t get overwhelmed.  Just deliberately do one nice thing per day and see what happens.

2.      Remembrance

Remember who you are—not just now, but remember who you were like 100 years ago. Try –really– hard.  There you go…that’s it.  Can you believe that’s who you are?! And remember, in a moment when you feel like no one loves you, and it’s hard to even love yourself—remember that you are the result of the love of thousands. Think about that next time you look in the mirror.

3.      Enjoyment

Spend time doing something simply because you enjoy it.  Play the piano—not to perfect a song, but to feel it.  Write—not to be published, but simply to bring peace. Read, listen to music, watch TV, color, paint, go shopping, or cook.  Just find something to do every day for even only a few minutes for pure enjoyment.

4.      Recognition

We all love praise and recognition and there never seems to be enough of it.  It’s okay to give it to yourself!  A powerful form of self-affirmation is writing down all of those good little things you do that no one else knows about—just keep a journal.  Or simply write a ta-da list at the end of the day even if it doesn’t include everything you started with on your to-do list.

5.      Nature

Watch a sunset, listen to the birds, look at the sky, feel the grass between your toes, stop and smell the roses, go for a hike, drive through a canyon and stop at an overlook. Take a little time every day to enjoy this beautiful world.

~

And then you realize your mirror is dirty. All those imperfections and shortcomings are actually smudges, splashes…and who knows what. 

So my friend, spiffy up your mirror and smile.