Thank You

Thank you.  Thank you. Thank you from my whole heart for your kind words, love, and support so strong they're nearly tangible.  You all seem to know exactly what I've needed.

Some of you have been asking how I've been lately.  Let's be honest.  I'm not a saint.  I am faking it 'til I make it.  In a situation where I have so little control, I am trying to be positive--and that's only because I've had many experiences when I've had the option to be positive or negative, chosen the latter, and later regretted it.  By choosing this attitude I'm not pretending that my disorder doesn't exist.  It DOES--and I prefer to be open about it.  Here's why:  Really, this has been one of my biggest fears.  I used to think that mental illness was something that someone would kind of know they had as they were growing up, but a few years ago when I learned that it often manifests itself in early adulthood, I considered what that would be like and decided it would be one of the worst things that could happen to me.  

And now I'm here.  And I'm learning it's one of the best things that will happen to me.  

While I was in the hospital, I received an LDS Priesthood blessing and some of the words confused me.  It said that Heavenly Father is aware of my struggles and they are to help me reach my potential.  I didn't understand how a "disorder" could do that.  Then yesterday I was thinking about all the crazy things going on in this world and Brian Williams (I know, watching the news is probably not the best mood-lifter) started talking about people helping others during tragedies.  Suddenly those words from the blessing weren't so confusing.  Sometimes it is during very difficult circumstances, such as a terrorist bombing, that people are able to help each other in ways that they would never have been able to otherwise.  They are reaching their potential.

Some of you have asked how our sweet Abbey is.  She is a DELIGHT and fills my days with joy!  She recently had a "teenage-boy" growth spurt and at almost 10 months wears darling 18-24 month clothes.  Her fluffy blonde hair is coming in, and she's working on her sixth tooth.  She knows "mama", "daddy", "hi" "night-night", (with silent t's), and "uh-oh."  The following words describe her personality: pleasant, persistent, empathetic, energetic, curious, smart, playful, happy, and PERFECT.  She's fascinated with anything rhythmic or musical and loves to clap or sing along.  During singing time at church on Sunday, the other children were clapping the beats to a song they were learning.  Abbey of course started clapping--and all of the kids stopped clapping because they were so amused with her!  She's standing on her own and I bet she'll take her first steps any day.

Some of you have graciously asked how you can help.

First off, if someone has the knowhow to untie my heart from the sun, please do share!  Yesterday I awoke to an overcast sky and was melancholy until the clouds cleared later in the afternoon.  Today I welcomed the sunshine with energy and happiness.  When the sky turned gray later in the day, my motivation vanished with ths sun.  I'm sure I'm not the only one dealing with this.  Moving to Hawaii, while desirable, is unfortunately impractical.

Second,  on a more serious note, please consider someone close to me who, although part of my strong support system, is having a difficult time with this. If you pray, please join me in praying for this person.  If you send good vibes or well wishes, may they land upon this person.

And finally, please, if you feel like sharing this blog, do it.