Making Sunshine

Since this whole thing started in April, I've been working on figuring out the right medications and the right dosages.  And while they keep me from being constantly manic, sometimes I feel too down.  I didn't realize how down I was though, until my new psychiatrist suggested Latuda. It's new on the market and just this summer was officially approved to treat the depression side of bipolar. What a miracle. Regular anti-depressants aren't good for bipolar because they actually enhance the mania, leading to the higher likelihood of a major crash but this one doesn't.  (Hahaha... I totally sound like one of those prescription commercials, don't I?!)

I started taking the sample packs of Latuda the doctor gave me and almost immediately could tell a difference.  I felt lifted.  I had more energy and I was so happy.  And I didn't feel manic-- restless or like I had to do a million things at once, or like I didn't ever have to sleep, and when I did sleep I didn't have crazy promiscuous party-it-up dreams.  I felt like me.  An even better version of me than I remembered.  Ah, Latuda.  It is EXACTLY what I need. 

And then I went to fill the prescription.  The one my insurance doesn't cover.  The one I can't get financial assistance for because I have insurance.  The one that costs $635 a month. 

Well, at least when it goes generic in six years, I know what works.  So... now I'm tapering down from my happy pill...at the onset of winter.  And ordering my tickets to Hawaii, or Southern California, or Arizona--just anywhere sunny and warm.  Okay, so really I'm doing the next best thing--ordering full spectrum lights to trick my heart into feeling like we're in Hawaii.  Hopefully.

In the meantime I like to think of other ways to make sunshine and listen to this tender mercy of a talk from God through Elder Holland:
http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/10/like-a-broken-vessel?lang=eng#watch=video