Hope

Yesterday I felt like myself for the first time. And it was wonderful.  I have missed myself--the "myself" I knew a long, long time ago who is even better now with the benefit of current understanding.  I have been so anxiously awaiting her return.  (Haha... now it sounds like I've got split-personality disorder going on or something, huh?)

My little darling's first birthday is approaching in a few weeks and I've been reflecting.  I've been lucky enough to catch a glimpse of  "miracles I never would have seen from the ground."  I remember two years ago--after 3 years of infertility--wondering if I would ever, ever even have a child.  My faith was shaken.  I'd never really had any reason to doubt-- but at that time I was definitely doubting.  I didn't want to, but I couldn't help feeling betrayed.  Now I can clearly see that I was not betrayed.  I was blessed.  I was blessed to have that extra time to experience life without bipolar.  I was blessed with extra time to strengthen our marriage.  And...I needed that extra time to learn to trust God----to let Him be God. 

This song speaks to my soul.  My beautiful heartbreaks may not be "as bad" as someone else's, but they are mine.  When I watch this clip I'm reminded of my mother's wisdom--she always says that if we all decided to throw our problems into a pile so we could choose different ones we'd all rush back to pick ours back up.

I'm so grateful that every once in a while we get a glimpse of the view we're working toward, and I'm looking forward to seeing what can be seen from the top of the bipolar mountain.  :)

Beautiful Heartbreak

by Hilary Weeks

 

I had it all mapped out in front of me,
Knew just where I wanted to go;
But life decided to change my plans,
And I found a mountain in the middle of my road.

I knew there was no way over it,
So I searched for a way around;
Brokenhearted I started climbin',
And at the top I found...

Every fear, every doubt,
All the pain I went through;
Was the price that I paid to see this view;
And now that I'm here I would never trade...

The grace that I feel,
And the faith that I find;
Through the bitter-sweet tears,
And the sleepless nights;

I used to pray he'd take it all away,
But instead it became a beautiful heartbreak.

I never dreamed my heart would make it,
I thought about turning around;
But heaven has shown me miracles,
I never would have seen from the ground.

Now I take the rain with the sunshine,
Cause there's one thing that I know;
He picks up the pieces,
Along each broken road.

Every fear, every doubt,
All the pain I went through;
Was the price that I paid to see this view;
And now that I'm here I would never trade...

The grace that I feel,
And the faith that I find;
Through the bitter-sweet tears,
And the sleepless nights.

I used to pray he'd take it all away,
But instead it became a beautiful heartbreak.

I would never trade...

The grace that I feel,
And the faith that I find;
Through the bitter-sweet tears,
And the sleepless nights.

I used to pray he'd take it all away,
But instead it became a beautiful heartbreak.